Second Chances
by moreofaguestage
Summary: After Lily hurts James will he give her a second chance? Does he even have a choice? Post Hogwarts Lily/James One Shot
A/N: Lily's probably the most perfect character in the series so it's fun to see her make mistakes, isn't it?

Disclaimer: I'm not J.K Rowling

It was a warm Thursday night and the Marauders were just leaving their flat. James noted that Lily wasn't there but the others ignored him. It had been months since they broke up and It was Peter's birthday, He deserved a night out without James' emotions getting in the way.

They slipped into their favourite pub, laughing as Sirius cracked jokes about Benjy's unfortunate haircut. James grabbed the first round and the four slipped into a booth.

"What about her?" Remus asked, nodding discretely at a girl standing by the jukebox.

"you think she'd go for me?" Peter asked?

"Give it a go, man's gotta pull on his birthday" Sirius said, fair less discretely.

Peter watched the girl flick through the records and pick a song, smiling as she found her choice.

"Maybe it a bit, he said, staring down at his empty pint.

The boys didn't push it, though possibly Peter would have appreciated the extra boost.

The night continued like this. Sirius and James swapping jokes, Remus cutting across with well observed one liners and Peter staring across the room at the girl he'll never talk to. Eventually, Sirius sidled up to another woman at the bar, buying her a drink and touching her chin just so. They left together five minutes after Remus dragged Peter home, he was never one to hold his drink.

James left after the others, choosing to walk instead of apparating back to his empty flat.

Their relationship had ended with a bang, a few months after school ended. Lily wasn't happy and James didn't know how to help her. Lily would pick fights and James would respond. The cycle didn't break until Lily slept with someone else. Even through the hurt and anger all he wanted to do was forgive her but James knew she was already gone.

The night had turned cold and as James emerged from his thoughts he realised he had wandered much further than he intended into a part of town he did not recognise. He looked up and his eyes snapped onto the figure in front of him.

At first he didn't believe it, often mistaking any man, woman or red fire hydrant for Lily Evans out of sheer desperation. But there she was, sitting on a doorstep and inhaling deeply from a muggle cigarette.

He stopped, staring blankly as she waved back. A small smile on her lips, not stretching to her eyes.

"Dorcas doesn't let me smoke in the flat", she said by way of explanation. James still didn't move and Lily took another drag, looking him up and down.

She pulled out another cigarette and handed it to him wordlessly. he took it as an offer to sit next to her and made his way to the step, lighting the cigarette with his wand.

There had been snow on the ground the last time they had really talked but the new spattering of freckles over her nose and collarbone told him how much time as passed. He wondered if someone else was counting the freckles on her body now.

"How've you been?" Lily asks, turning to face him.

"Oh not too bad, keeping busy."

"That's good to hear."

They slipped into silence and Lily cast her eyes out over the quiet street. James wished he knew how she felt. Immediately after that night he wanted her to feel guilt, pain and suffering ten times worse than what he had felt but the anger had faded and now all he felt was her absence.

"It was awful, before we broke up," Lily said suddenly.

James continued looking straight, he didn't want to add anything yet.

"It was. Remember all the fighting and worrying and panic?"

"I loved you." James said, barely above a whisper. His heart pounded with an emotion he couldn't quite identify.

"I didn't think it was worth it, feeling all that. Not even for you."

James knew this. The deaths of both her parents and a number of Order members had hit her hard. In the immediate aftermath of their breakup, Remus suggested it all had something to do with growing up in a town where emotions were likely to get you hurt. James had a feeling he was right but that still didn't leave him with many answers.

"I fucked up, James." Lily said. James finally turned to look at her, surprised to find her eyes filled with tears. He wasn't sure he had ever seen Lily cry.

Gently, he placed a hand on her knee, running his thumb back and forth across her soft skin. He didn't want to see her like this.

"That guy...I don't even know. I wasn't drunk or anything I was just so...so tired. I wanted to feel something that wasn't so fucking tied up in terror."

James felt himself stiffen but he kept quiet. Lily hadn't ever told him why.

"I love you, I love you so fucking much. You're all I goddamn think about. I thought before was awful when I worried about you on your missions or when you'd get angry at me for fighting Death Eaters but this is worse. At least before I could see you come home, now I don't know anything."

Tears were falling down her cheeks and she did nothing to stop them. Fumbling through her purse she pulled out another cigarette, shaking as she lit it with a muggle lighter.

He pulled out his own, taking the lighter from her hands.

"I miss you too, Lily." He said softly, staring straight out at the street ahead.

Minutes passed. The night air was cool, picking at Lily's hair and rustling his t-shirt. He was cold but he didn't want to move, this painful conversation made him happier than he had been in months.

Finally, Lily spoke; "I feel like...like when my parents were still alive and we were at school surrounded by all our mates all this was spread around. Now my parents are gone and I never see anyone from school anymore so every ounce of love in my body is directed at you and that's fucking terrifying because if anything happens to you I'd just...I don't know what I'd do." She trailed off, gripping the concrete step with her hands and blinking away more tears. "I thought I was glad when we were done, like I was free from this huge responsibility but I'm not, of course I'm not we're all linked up and I can't believe I ever thought that was a bad thing."

James' lips were on Lily's before he could stop himself, his hands clutching her hair and pulling her close. She pulled them up, through the door and pushed him through the entrance to her room, their lips never parting.

James's mouth moved down her neck, stopping at the spot just below her ear, biting down and making Lily moan with pleasure. Her hands found the bottom of his shirt and she pulled it over his head roughly and cast it aside.

They fell onto the bed together, Lily straddling James and grinding into his lap in a way that made him groan loudly.

"Christ, Lily" James breathed as he slipped off her bra.

Lily couldn't reply as she was busy extricating James from his jeans, having already shed her own pair moments earlier. She tugged, pulling his jeans and his boxers off in one smooth go and returning to her earlier position of straddling James, expertly balanced and hovering over his lap.

She leant over and kissed him again, softly this time, her tongue dancing across his lips. Lily loved to tease but tonight James wasn't putting up with this tonight. He needed to be inside her now, to feel her as deeply as possibly. Grabbing her hips he switched their places and slammed into her with such force that Lily cried out.

It was fast and desperate, Lily clung to James, her legs wrapped around his waist and repeating his name over and over until they were left spent, gasping and unsure of what to say in the hazy aftermath.

* * *

James woke alone. It took him a moment to realise he wasn't his own room and a few moments more to really believe it was Lily's. He glanced around the empty room assumed she had left, slipping through his fingers for the second time.

James got up, pulled on his boxers and was beginning the search for his pants when Lily came back in with two cups of tea.

"Are you..." She began, looking at the half dressed man in front of her.

"No...I just thought..." He wasn't really sure if he should accuse her of leaving her own flat.

"Here," she thrusting the cup towards him. He took a large gulp, feeling the liquid warm his insides. For all her faults, Lily made perfect tea.

They stood in silence, half dressed and avoiding eye contact while sipping their tea until, finally, Lily spoke.

"I wouldn't hurt you this time," Lily said, barely above a whisper. She looked so soft, her hair disheveled from sleep and her eyes wide and earnest.

He wanted to believe her, take the woman he had loved for five years or more into his arms and never look back but these past months had taught him to be cautious, to trust less freely.

"I need you, James. I do and it's scary but it's right. We're soul mates and I can't run away anymore."

"How come I ended up with such a bloody difficult soul mate, then?" James asked, only half joking.

Lily let out a snort and moved closer, "God knows, but you chose me first."

James sighed, reaching out and toying with the frayed edge of her t-shirt. He recognized it as one she had taken from him in 7th year.

"It's not going to be the same," James said, studying her eyes. "You slept with someone else."

Guilt clouded Lily's face, but she didn't look away. "It'd be worse if we didn't try," she replied.

His arms pulled her closer, finding their way around her soft waist. Lily pressed her body to his, tilting her head up, towards his with an expectant, hopeful expression.

"Just tell me what you're feeling this time, okay?" James said, his hands splayed across the small of her back. "You don't have to be so bloody independent."

"I will," she whispered, her eyes shining as she finally kissed him, soft and slow with her hands tangled in his black hair.

He wasn't sure how he would explain this development to his friends; who had spent so long putting James back together. He wasn't sure it was healthy or wise. All James knew was that, for better or worse, they really were soul mates, tied up together by forces he would never understand.

* * *

Thanks for reading, if you feel like leaving a review it would be much appreciated :)


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